The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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