I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
