I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
