There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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