your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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