so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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