I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
