I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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