It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize