I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
