3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
