Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
