I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
