Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm bleeding and have questions
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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