Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
