I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
