Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have aggressive nipples.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
