I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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