we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
