My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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