Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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