i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
