The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
