I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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