btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
