i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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