I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
