im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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