i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
