I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
