theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
