oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
