OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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