Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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