Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
