respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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