I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
