I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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