I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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