Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
