Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
