What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
