I got chris browned last night
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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