You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize