are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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