Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
