please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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