honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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