I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
