Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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