where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
