OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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