so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
