Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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