if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
