my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
