HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
