Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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