Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
