its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
