K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My feet surprised me
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