Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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