I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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