i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
