You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
