last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
