why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
