holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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