a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
